Trouble?

“Trouble?” Paris 12/09

The Europeans never remove their graffiti…another thing I love about this place.

So, I sit here full on guilt chocolate facing one of those moments in life where you know you are wrong, and you are a little pissed at yourself for the silly choices you made, but you are not sure how to swallow your pride and reverse course.

Should I call and apologize, or continue to act like an asshole in an attempt to cover-up how ridiculous this all is?

I have never been good at these moments, and like my obsession for red wine, it is something that I want to curb.  I cut back on the vino to keep from tearing the seat of my pants, and I hope to cut back on my pride to keep from tearing apart people I love.

Its not really all that serious, I could just pick up the phone, call, and say, “yeah, ok…I’m over it now,” and it would be over….but yet I don’t do it!  Instead, I sit here feeling guilty, mad that I didn’t pick up a bottle (or two) of Bordeaux, mad that I don’t smoke anymore, and I procrastinate with a blog post.

My typical modus operandi has always been to wait it out, let the victim make a move and rescue me…but when I sold everything for the sake of wanderlust, I decided to stop waiting for things to happen, and make things happen.

Do I want to waste today’s spin class on guilt calories?  Do I want to spend a Sunday evening bathing in self-pity?  Hell no I don’t.  I want to have nice abs and a happy mood, and both of those things are only my responsibility.

These last several months have taught me what I am capable of and I now have an improved sense of control over my life.  In this spirit…and because I have no time for trouble…I pick up the phone…

“Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.”

Love Rach

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 2:10 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.